Spiritual . . .

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One of the intricacies of being an open book is that while giving off light and life you often are open to darkness…

As a writer, and as a person, I find myself always having to “prove” myself to people… It’s as if they believe they have already “arrived,” or… they see something in me that draws out their curiosities about themselves… It makes them question themselves and in turn question me… Sometimes my biggest struggle is not allowing this to wear me down or discourage me towards the human race, but to not take it personal and to remember and focus on what this exchange is truly about…

I am and always have been open, it is not something I struggle with or had to create, it has always just been me. Because of this, I face a different struggle internally… People dish and take what they lack and want because during our encounters there are no walls to climb or knock down… It’s a spiritual struggle, even with those I am close to… I find myself talking to my spirit nonstop, always evaluating, discussing and digging to find the questions and answers as to what these exchanges mean…

A lot of times I am faced with people’s deepest and darkest insecurities, disguised as jokes, smiles and meaningless conversations… Remember from the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks… (Luke 6:45) It’s never a big secret or mystery as to what they are saying… My concern usually lies in why they are saying it… Call it a gift and a curse… It’s hard to constantly have to physically, mentally, and spiritually prepare yourself every time you walk into a room… Being around loved ones and close friends sometimes lightens the load, but even with them, you’re sometimes faced with whatever spirit they’re currently carrying, it’s like always working your body, soul and spirit, all while trying to keep yourself together, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with the exception of sleep, when you’re not still dreaming about these things…

This is why I am so comfortable being alone, and in silence, only surrounded by my own thoughts… Dealing with everyone else’s demons has helped me to easily deal with my own… This is why I am comfortable in my own skin, not easily frightened and rarely intimidated… Not much shocks me, because often times I’ve already seen the characteristics before the play from a person… The more layers a person puts on the more they are trying to hide… But, don’t get me wrong, sometimes my own spirit can be too hard to bear… And this is when the meaning of the spiritual exchange fulfills it’s purpose…

Because I am so used to dealing with these things internally, on my own, it is extremely difficult for me to ask for help… I internalize a lot of what I feel and need… But every so often someone can pick up on my spirit and lends a helping hand, or a word of encouragement along the way… And this gives me the strength to continue on… facing, battling and healing spirits…

These transfers of spirits allows me to see people’s hearts, their wounds, their hurts, their fears and their strengths… It has allowed me to love openly and purely, without fear… I am not afraid. After seeing past clothes, physicality and words, you tend to look at life and everything in it differently… most people will never fully understand… This has given me strength and courage… Not to fight one another, this war is spiritual (Ephesians 6:12-13), and sometimes it is not necessarily a fight, but a need, a cry for help, the sick wanting to be healed… This is what it is all about… This is what the Holy Spirit is for… This is what gives us a direct connection to God’s power… this is His gift to us… This is what makes us children of The Most High God…

Past the fleshley shell, and the worthless clothes, and empty words… This is spiritual . . .

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